“ I have a struggle with fear & self-doubt when I started this watercolor business, even though I have been practicing for 1 year and I love how my painting turns out, I still not feeling good enough. This is my story on the watercolor journey. “
Watercolor is transparent with strong pigmentation, that’s the unique characteristic that made me fell in love for the first time using when I was in elementary school. I remember vividly how excited I was when the time comes for Art class because I can draw and paint, that was the moment of introduction with watercolor.
I continued using watercolor when I was in college for almost 2 years in my daily task assignment. After graduated and working as a full-time graphic designer, I use mainly graphics software on a daily basis, I never paint a watercolor or drawing again.
For almost 13 years working with graphic software as a graphic designer, there is a moment I feel exhausted and bored. Until July 2017, I felt so drained with work, I need some refreshment in the middle of my daily work with graphics software. And then I saw an Instagram post of the watercolor workshop – suddenly it reminiscing me of those moments back in time where I used watercolor painting, and I joined the brush calligraphy and floral watercolor workshop for the first time since I graduated.
I wondered “have I forgot how to paint a watercolor?” “and what it feels like to touch brush again after more than 10 years?”
Turns out I still remember how to paint, of course, need a lot of improvement in some techniques. I was fascinated with the workshop teacher kak Edria Handuran @supercalligraphylistic , she taught so clear and encouraging all of us to enjoy the process. It was a fun experience!
Since then, I fall in love again with watercolor, and I keep practice intensely afterward.
On December 2018, I started designing customized Notebook with my watercolor illustration and personalized name on the cover design, I gave it as a New Year gift for my friends and colleague. Their response was very positive and it’s a green sign I can take this to another level. I really want to create something favorable from my watercolor artworks, inspired from a blog by Jenna Rainey @jennarainey about how to make a creative business from your artworks, I begin to start creating watercolor clipart to sell at online marketplace.
But, I have struggled with fear at the same time, fear I will fail, fear I do not succeed, fear of what others opinion of my watercolor painting.
Until I saw this IG post @notsobasic.life by Adeline Er about fear:
This post caption spoke directly to me, I let fear is stopping me from reaching my dream. I shared my struggle through DM with Adeline right away after I saw this post, and she’s just being wonderfully kind! She is very supportive and encourages me to JUST GO WITH IT and PRESS THAT LAUNCH BUTTON, she said that I already have everything I need, all I have to do is let go of fear from your dream. So, I did, I launched my watercolor store brand Paper & Flower @paper_and_flower in April 2019 on Instagram as my first step (I can share more story behind the brand on the separate blog).
From May until July 2019, I was busy prepared the digital product for my online store and at the end of August, I officially opened my store at online marketplace TheHungryJPEG.com. I felt a HUGE relieve after I opened my store and see my products out there for people to make something favourable for their own.
I always feel that I’m late starting watercolor artworks and sell it at the online marketplace, but now I’m glad I start this now, I’m glad I overcome all the fears I have and I see the progress. I see how my store making progress and made its first revenue last December 2019. It doesn’t matter how big or small, what matters is I’m not giving up and keep moving forward, what matters is I let go all the fears and imperfections. I learn to let the progress speak by itself.
I use to holding myself to start because I always feel I still not good enough. The question is when I will feel good enough? And the answer is never.
I learn to self-love my own artworks,
I learn to accept my painting with all the flaws,
I learn to love my painting in every process,
I learn to love my artworks in all imperfections,
Because the only person that love and appreciate the artworks, its me only
It is a never ending journey,
As long as I breath in art
And loving art as a part of my life
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